Love, God and Sex | MOSS Part 7

by You Have My Word

Check out what MOSS is here. Tinette Nolan is a good combination of grounded faith, hearty laughter, thought-provoking questions, deeply treasured friendship, incredible dancing ability (and musicianship, I might add) and selfless love. Catch her developing affinity for writing on her blog here, and follow her on Twitter for some laughs.


How it all fits into one world

No turning back

As he walked away, it was not her punctured body that made her scream, but a lifetime of innocence, Sunday-school teachings, integrity, wholeness and beauty claimed from her and stuffed arrogantly into the front of his jeans.

A beautiful glass life tipped over the edge.

It had seemed thrilling to have been pushing it – a single shirt unbuttoning at a time – to the brim of her purity. But with one sudden shove it leaped to destruction. With each whimper, she so dearly tried to catch it as she watched it falling to the floor. But with each grasp, her hand just wrapped around the sickly feeling of thin air as she realised what could not be undone. All that was left was shattered pieces splintering her hands as she tried to sweep it into a concealable heap.


With every breath of hope in my body I wish to write that that had been the final straw and that she decided to turn her life around and spend her days in flowery fields kissing butterflies and riding furry tailed ponies. And if this was your wish too, I advise you to stop reading and click here.

But, if you would allow me penetrate your heart with ugly, lovely truth, then, my dear readers, read on. For this is a story about sin, rejection, repentance, surrendering, forgiveness, grace and love.

The very evening that made her cringe with guilt and regret, also unleashed a series of that same recurring episode. For the months that lay ahead something, that was created to be beautifully explored within the confines of a marriage, was deformed by a broken boy and girl longing for acceptance and love. Blindsided by the determination to fix a broken promise of saving oneself for marriage, there was no turning back.

Two things

Come hell or high water, two things were engraved into her stone heart. One: it was imperative for this man to be the one that would eventually stand waiting at the end of the aisle. Two: anything, a-n-y-thing would be done to ensure the outcome of number one. She was enslaved by the image of a being perfect wife-candidate. Only two things mattered. Only two things governed her mind. Only two things needed to be broken for her to hear the sweet sound of God’s voice again.

Beautiful breakdown

We ask God to fill us anew, but we forget that we have to be emptied first. Emptying does not have a pretty face. It involves breaking, tearing, questioning. God needed to break before he could build. And that is how it happened.

The only way you know that you need God is when God is all you have.

If you think you are living a good Christian life, because you pray before you enjoy a meal, pray before you write an exam, or throw verses into the air at appropriate times that you’ve extracted from your dusty memory of a holiday bible club. But, each lustful look that burns into the sockets of your eyes and each touch of the woman or man that is not your husband or wife, punches that very prayer, that very word of God that you’ve so arrogantly quoted, right in the face. Your hot prayers and your cold acts make you lukewarm; God spits you from his mouth.

And as Jesus walked up that hill of Calvary with the image of you and me in front of Him, he endured every scorn, every whip into his back, every thorn into his mind, every inch-thick-metal piercing through His hands and feet. And what have you done in return? Politely try to think of an answer as you uncomfortably wash down your bread with your wine in church. Wearing a Christian mask is not enough.

The problem is that we (you and I – all of us) fall into the trap of hushing our guilt with the mere idea that guilt will make us confess if we fall short of being like Jesus. Pitfall.

1 Corinthians 6:12

“You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’ – but not everything is good for you. And even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,’ I must not become a slave to anything. You say, ‘Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.’ (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, ‘The two are united into one.’ But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honour God with your body.” [NLT]

These aren’t my words. These belong to God. Bam!

Let’s face it: it doesn’t matter where you find yourself in life, we all feel a little like a mess, whether it be a crumpled piece of paper or a continent-sized junk yard. But do know in the midst of it all, God created you in the most spectacular, beautiful and perfect way? And more than anything else, He created you in His image. You bear a reflection of His face. That must count for something. So here are a few words of advice:

I’m single, what do I do

Pray about your life partner. Meditate on God’s Word. Be patient. You are allowed to ask God for certain things in your wife/husband. One-night stands and holiday flings are not worth it.

I’m dating

This is difficult. At this stage, you have either already had sex, or you are trying to hold out. In the mean time you are asking yourself if this is the person you’re supposed to be marrying. Most importantly: be rooted in God more than you are in the person you are dating. Do not rely on the affirmative words of your boyfriend/girlfriend to identify who you are. Never expect your girlfriend/boyfriend to fill the hole in your heart that is reserved for Jesus; they cannot live up to it.

I’m married

OK, I’m not married, but for those who are: you are the image we look forward to one day. Let your marriage be an example to those who are waiting for it. God has called us to mentorship. Do it.

I’ve gone too far, help!

If you are busy screaming this in your head, know this: there is Grace. There where Jesus bent down and wrote in the sand in front of the prostitute, that’s where He met her. You needn’t save yourself before you come to God – come as you are. There where you are, face down with your tears mixing with dirt and a crowd of people lifting their arms weighted with rocks, that is where He’ll meet you too. And even though you cannot turn back time, remove memories or undo what has been done, there is hope, there is grace, there is forgiveness, there is love.

Yes, there is love. You are loved. In the sincerest and deepest way.

Love is not a bunch a flowers when the courage to say something is not enough. Love is not filling the air with TV because you are sitting next to a stranger you call your spouse. Love is not a list of favours and gifts waiting for acknowledgement. Love is not passionately making out, when you cannot bear to open you eyes and look at the face that might betray you too.

Love is unconditional. It looks at your most revolting sin and forgives without hesitation. It comforts. It is a place where you can you can be silly, be serious, be secure, be real or scrape your nails into the face of this confusing planet we call, Earth.

And that love is yours to take, to express, to let your heart break, to let your heart shine and to change the way you live today.


Go to previous post: Marriage is like a diamond | MOSS Part 6

Go to next post: All things new | MOSS Part 8

Go to intro post: Marriage and Other Scary Stuff | MOSS Intro