saving grace | 500 Words on Grace
by You Have My Word
The lights are dim, and there are feelings of abandonment all around. My only thoughts are those of escaping, where all fades away into a perfect picture of stillness. Weapon of choice: the fine powder of death, known as heroin. There’s no more pride of life left, no pursuit for happiness, or ray of hope left here. I place some of the powder and water onto a spoon, and begin to prepare the start to my finish. I bring the flame, and unite the two lovers of darkness into one. There’s no turning back as the needle point enters into my very accepting vein.
I question my self-honour. The explosion of euphoria takes over and conquers all feelings of remorse that are present. A numbness relishes my physical being and the quivering of pain has now become but a shadow on the bathroom floor. There are shouts of approval from the darkness, as they welcome me with open arms into the realms of death. I greet them back with another fix. My breath starts to slow and my heart beat begins to weaken. Nobody will find me in here till the morning, enough time for this shuttle of life to take off without me. I prepare the third hit of this poison. I feel that this might be my show-stopper, my finale.
I proceed to tap the syringe three times with my nail to let out all the air as I press in the plunger. My reality has passed me over and I am taken into a dream-state of narcotic dryness. I didn’t for the life of me know how, why, or exactly who made what happened next take place. The needle shoots off as I push out the air. “This can’t happen,” I say to myself, Wait a minute, this has never happened in my entire life of using. The needles on syringes aren’t meant to just shoot off for no apparent reason. Frustration sets in as I begin to search desperately for another syringe to use. There was nothing to be found, and the search was eventually called off.
Today I believe that it was divine intervention that took place, a miracle from on high that saved me. In the midst of my down-hill to destruction, there is a call of urgency that comes from within, a feeling that I am not aware of, a shout that calls out to be saved. The grace and glory of the Lord my God saves the day, he saves my soul from perishing, he gives me another chance to live saying, “Tonight is not the night that you will die, this is not the hour that your life will leave you.” I was pardoned, not because I deserved it, but because of His never-ending grace. The beautiful grace of our Heavenly Father.
Anastasios Konstantinopoulos delivers hard truth in today’s 500 Words on Grace. This is a man passionately pursuing God, showing others how to do the same as he walks out his salvation. He writes for Above The Flame (check it on Facebook too) and today I am grateful that he has taken the time to write in this space.