If you’re hopeless broken anxious, I speak of what I know
by You Have My Word
If you sit now having the strength to do nothing else but read this, these words are for you. I do not promise to have the answers, I do not promise to fix you. I promise only to speak of the hope I know, I promise only to write truths that have carried me here.
Know this: if you are here, you made it further than yesterday. That is enough for today. Celebrate when you wake; you found it within yourself to face another day (even if your eyes are only half open and your hands are held out ahead to shield your face).
I do not know the depth of your pain, but I do know that I have seen the ocean floors of enough deep waters to know that as much as it may feel like you’re drowning right now, every ocean has a surface waiting to be broken. When you emerge fighting for air, you may find a storm with waves attempting to break you instead. Do not give up. Fight back. There is light over the next swell.
Anxiety eats you like a spider eats its prey: slowly. First bite: paralysis. Slowly wrap limb for limb until lifeless and cold, suspended for all the world to see: ashamed. Do not give in to terror, trust.
For those who sit caught in an infinite loop of self-loathing, do not believe the lies. You are worth more. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are good enough. You are brave. You can do it. You are loved. You are not alone. You are noticed. You are needed. You are not nothing. You can do it. You are not a waste of space. You are not useless. You are not a burden. You are not helpless. You are not judged. You can do it. You can do it. You can.
If you’ve forgotten how to recognise signs of life, do this: close your eyes and take a breath. Can you hear your lungs filling with oxygen? Can you feel the brush of velvet life through your throat? Can you smell where you are? Can you taste the cradle of teeth made for your tongue? Can you see colourful lights and spots and ghostly shapes behind your eyelids?
Know this: you are alive. Death isn’t an option; don’t consider it. Life is for living; life is now.
I do not know what questions keep you writhing beneath sheets at night. I do, however, know that we do what we must. Pray. Beg. Plead. Just speak. It is the silence that slowly sedates your spirit and sears your soul. Whisper. Whimper. Weep. H
Gather your strength. Wait beneath the moon for the tide to turn; it cannot pull too hard for too long in one direction.
Listen and laugh. There is a rustle in the trees that speaks of a change, that speaks of direction and purpose.
Reach out. A baby learns safety when a mother allows it to take her finger. There are those who need you to show them the way.