I am powerful because I can be broken

by You Have My Word

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I believe that some people were made to break things. I believe that others were just meant to break – to break down – to break apart – to be broken. Like how a child builds a castle made of sand close enough to tempt the ocean waves. The truth is, it was never going to stand but they wait until the water can no longer hold itself back – till it lashes at the structure in swells and still has the nerve to go back and lick the wounds with smaller ripples. I have never seen such joy derived from such destruction. The smile on that child’s face when the walls are torn back to earth like it was his own will that did the breaking.

I am that sandcastle. I am built of things that were never meant to stand. Others have built what they thought would last, filling me with stones and shells. But the waves will come. And they do. And they crash. And they tumble. And they tear down. And they break. They break me. Everyone is a wave waiting to break me. I am made to break – to break down – to break apart – to be broken. I wait.

I wait to be watered down in the most violent way possible like the sea swallows the sand and eventually the child. Everyone is a wave and I do not stand a chance. I do not stand a chance against the man on the corner of the street watching me walk by on my way home. I do not stand a chance against the crowd with gleaming teeth outside the bar I stumble out of. I do not stand a chance against the women I let into my bed with other people’s skin still under their fingernails. I do not stand a chance against myself with my twisted hands and shamed skin made of sand.

I was one of those born with the power to be broken and not to do the breaking. Yes, a power to be broken – that’s a power – a super power even! Can you imagine having to build yourself up after everything has warred against you in hopes of tearing you down? Sometimes they win; sometimes I lose. But I get up again and build, and do not allow myself to crumble until the next wave hits. Power is getting up over and over despite the knowledge that destruction will come.

I am powerful because I can be broken. I am powerful because I do not leave myself this way – I pick myself up every day. I am powerful because I know I have done it myself. I am powerful because, in spite of their best attempts to crush me in the worst way, I do not back down. I am powerful because even though I know I was not built to stand – being made of sand – I plant myself as firmly as I can until they come. I am powerful because I do not break them in the same way. I am powerful because I have been broken and I continue to stand.

 

 

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