You have my word

One word can change your life.

Tag: chocolate

The places I have travelled, you

untitled-design

You say: you are poetry.

I say: you have me undone in three words.

You say: I don’t know what to say.

I say: don’t say anything.

You say: I am in love with a writer.

I say: I am in love with the sunrise. I am awake.

Like a train frames the movement of a bride on her wedding day,

so the sun only sets to frame the trail you leave in the darkness for me to find my way.

Your eyes. Like fireflies. Vibrant. Alive. Bright.

On my bucket list there stands: see the Northern Lights. Aurora Borealis.

That was before there was an us.

I could look at you and feel like I’d seen the world – like I’d met everyone there was to meet, like I’d tasted India and walked Rome and surfed Fiji and climbed Everest and loved every land I let my feet shake hands with.

Your hands. Like oak tree branches. Strong. They know their place. Safe.

I’m that chocolate lad. Not sweet like you’d think; that was never me.

I am dark, through and through.

I am my darkest when I am with you.

Bitter to those who aren’t accustomed to the taste, but you have let me melt on your tongue,

you have let my tongue melt the creases of your waist, the small of your back…

relax into me. I will hold you safe.

I don’t have fancy words to make you stay.

I don’t have instructions for a bad day.

I don’t know any languages other than my eyes to ask you not to leave.

I’ve never even been overseas.

Right now in this instance, it feels like we’re oceans apart so maybe that counts for something?

So when people ask me where I’ve been and what I’ve seen?

I’ll simply tell them I’ve travelled your spine, and scaled your ribs and held handfuls of breast

that I’m sure even the monks would profess

the gods made just for me.

60 things you didn’t know were ok

darkroom

It’s ok to get a little bit weary. It’s ok to lay the world and your shoulders to rest. It’s ok not to have all the answers – or even all the questions. It’s ok not to know exactly where you’re going. It’s ok to drag your feet a while you’re on your way to where you’re going. It’s ok not to want to move your feet at all. It’s ok to feel like you’re failing – like you’re choosing the easy way out. It’s ok to choose the easy way out, sometimes.

It’s ok to question what you’re worth. It’s ok not to feel worth anything at all – be open to others finding worth in you. It’s ok to be alone. It’s ok to be lonely, which is totally different kind of despair. It’s ok to need people. It’s ok not to need anyone at all, but don’t make a habit of pushing people away. It’s ok if you question actions – give intentions the benefit of the doubt.

It’s ok to spend a day in bed. It’s ok to spend two days in bed. It’s ok to want to stay in bed forever – but don’t. It’s ok to wear sunglasses inside sometimes – let your eyes adjust slowly to the light. It’s ok that your heart takes a little longer to adjust after being in darkness for so long. It’s ok to cry in the shower. It’s ok to cry anywhere – invest in cucumbers, potatoes, strawberries and aloe vera.

It’s ok if your jeans don’t fit perfectly. It’s ok to wear last season’s jeans. It’s ok to wear pyjamas… in the middle of the day. It’s ok to feel like sleeping to escape it all… sometimes – there is so much you’ll miss if you’re never awake. It’s ok to dream and be terrified. It’s ok to just be terrified – try dreaming.

It’s ok if you’re late for work because you overslept – just once though, you’re better than that. It’s ok to not wash dishes for a week because you only have enough motivation to clean yourself – it’s one or the other, you or the dishes. It’s ok to take medication – the right kind, the right amount – help is not weakness. It’s ok not to be strong all the time – you’ll find your roar again.

It’s ok to be happy around people who aren’t. It’s ok not to be happy too. It’s ok to disturb your neighbours at 2am… because you’re laughing so loudly. It’s ok to shout just as loudly – not at 2am. It’s ok to hate 2am because you like yourself least at that time. It’s ok not to like yourself from 2am till 2pm, but use the other 12 hours to love yourself. It’s ok to love others boldly. It’s ok if you find it hard to love yourself the same way – try.

It’s ok that you’re still sitting reading this when you know you could be doing a hundred other things. It’s ok to admit you can only do one things at a time. It’s ok to put off that one thing… for a short period of time. It’s ok to mess up – forgive yourself. It’s ok to feel hurt. It’s ok to want to hurt others for hurting you – don’t. It’s ok to help others even if they don’t want you to, but need you to. It’s ok to let others need you.

It’s ok to admit defeat. It’s ok to eat chocolate and drink wine to make yourself feel better. It’s ok if you need a psychologist to get better. It’s ok when nothing makes you feel better – your time will come. It’s ok to take your time getting better – everyone heals in their own way. It’s ok to get a little bit weary. It’s ok to lay the world and shoulders to rest. It’s ok not to have all the answers. It’s ok to only know it’s ok.

It is ok. You are ok. Everything is ok.

Dark chocolate, like loneliness

Chocolate and loneliness

A bitter sweet delight – evil – meant to be tasted alone. We don’t share this pleasure. We enjoy it when no one is there but despise our solace when we crave more – unnaturally. The taste lingers on your tongue – the forefront of your mind. Run, so the feeling doesn’t get you.

How to handle disappointment

If you read my post Six things you don’t know about me, you’ll know I don’t like bananas. This is an important fact for this story.

This morning on the way to work I stopped at the shops to pick up some munchies because I had not had breakfast (and I get grumpy when I’m hungry, so it’s best I eat).

I skipped in, grabbed some soup for lunch (because I failed to pack lunch as well), then sauntered over to get some cereal. I grabbed a cereal bar from the “Dark Chocolate” box (obviously there is key nutritional value in that) and then made my way to the check-out counter.

I didn’t actually check if what I grabbed was in fact a Dark Chocolate cereal bar, so you can imagine my disappointment and consternation when, after getting really excited about this bar, I got to the office and pulled out a Banana cereal bar. Fail.

Of all things, Banana! It could have been Peaches or Butternut even, but Banana! In retrospect, it is not such a major thing but life sometimes throws disappointments like that, at us. Sometimes it’s really big things like a business deal that fails, friends that don’t keep their word…. The real issue though, is how do we then carry on?

For me, with regards to the Banana bar, it’s simple. I’ll keep it, because I know that someone will be hungry at some stage and probably not mind banana, and I’ll give it to them. Sounds simple, and it really is that easy sometimes. You suck it up and get on with things.

It’s not always that easy though. Truth is, no matter who you are, you’ll experience disappointment. How do you deal with it? What would you do? What does Jesus expect us to do? Where do you pick up from when it feels like you’ve been kicked in the teeth?