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Tag: religion

A bush on fire doesn’t mean you’ve found God

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Where there is smoke, there is fire, but there is no God.

Listen carefully and you might survive this inferno.

Hold your breath and don’t choke on tears.

No one is here to hear you.

You don’t recognise the shape of your skin.

Extinguish your incense; smother your flames. Burning doesn’t mean power; a bush on fire doesn’t mean you’ve found God. A fire cannot burn in the dark; a fire cannot burn without air. Fire is light; it fights the dark. They can’t exist together. The flames consume the dark. This light. This cancer. This burning lung. Tarred ventricle. Gasp. This is your prayer. You are ablaze. Perhaps God is here after all.

Here between the walls as the sea begins to break. God’s subject raised a rod to make a path – part the mass – split the body of water… split the body of… split the body… Split the body. Break the body with a rod. Beat it until it is two. Two parts; too broken. Now walk through. Escape. Slaves flee! Be free. Beat, beat, be free. Beat, beat, be free. You can’t beat God into me.

He might be here, but he is not with me.

Playing devil’s advocate or devil playing in the desert. Feed yourself with these rocks. Bow to me. Leap from this temple and trust them to catch you with their rituals and self-righteousness. Do not tempt me. Get behind me. I will starve. My body is your bread. My blood is your wine. Drink. Have your fill from these dry bones. It is for you. This is what you do. Depart, devil. Depart, demons. Depart. Apart. Restart.

In the beginning, God. Amen. So be it. The land and sea and sky and dark that was night and my mind. And light as day and dreams and hope. 66 books and we still cannot live in peace.

My tears are the water. I pour them like wine. This time they are worth more than gold. I’ve sold my body too many times to earn my worth from the hands that hold me. I have let myself go too many times, like pearl before swine. My body is not for them to cast lots and divide between men, women, fools, thieves, ghosts, lovers. My clothes will remain even after blood has been spilled, the stone rolled away.

Where are you now? The tomb is empty. The womb is empty. Virgin Mary. Quite contrary. Weighed and measured. Found wanting. Not enough. Not big enough. Not strong enough. I am David. More than a book. More than five stones to slay the monster. More than conquerors. Conquered. Captured. Christ.

You don’t recognise the shape of your skin. So I mark it and hope it’ll be come more familiar. I call courage. I call the present. I call my body mine and it is so.

 

 

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Queer moon, we are guided by your tides

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The moon is definitely gay. Nothing can sparkle that much and be straight. I mean, if you want to get technical with me, here you go: the moon is a circle so technically it can’t be straight. Anyway.

The moon is definitely queer. Totally in love with the sun and her rays but screws around with the stars in the dark. They don’t mind that he’s a little naughty – that she’s a little naughty – that they’re a little naughty.

The moon would definitely call itself fluid, spreading itself across the day and night sky. Non-binary bright. Lesbian lunar. Bisexual bright. It’s no wonder we’re so affected by the tides. The moon is definitely gay. Nothing can sparkle that much and be straight.

Nothing can sparkle that much despite thousands upon thousand trying to put it out. Nothing can sparkle that much without having been set on fire. Nothing can sparkle that much against the shadows that try and cut it down to size.

Too many shadows have taken too many of your shapes, squashing your fabulous, your fierce, your fight. You, forced to be half-moon – half you – semi-circle so sickle the length of years in your arms. You will outlive centuries of being trapped here.

When they stare at you and point from afar, don’t you dare blink. Don’t you dare look away. Don’t shuffle your feet, gay goddess. Don’t dim your man in the moon face. Look on. Light up. Love. Sparkle. They can learn a thing from you.

This is not my home

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I pray in my mother tongue to a God they call Father.

I feel like an orphan surrounded by a family I can’t yet call my own – my home.

This is not my home.

My body is not my home.

This body is not my home.

The secrets my skin will never tell you

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I am most alive in that wild moment before death. Eyes clocking every corner for possible escape. Heart racing but my legs not moving. Skin tingling.

I have more than just my name beneath this skin. More than painted skies; more than grey lines and worn out lies.

My veins are just seams unstitched too many times I’m afraid. I am frayed. Made up of needles and string and patches and tears and nobody wants a thing that isn’t whole. I am a blanket of holes.

I plant thorns and grow roses from my wrists. Glorious gushing gardens of delicate petalled tragedies. I have not yet been choked by weeds.

Follow these stretch marks while I tell you how I have grown into myself. How I have expanded to fill spaces others created. You would do well to fill your own space without shame.

Don’t think that this ink was injected into my pores. It has poured from my soul and soaked the silk that keeps all this story in. I am not trying to paint over my sins. I am smearing the start of chapters I’m scared to begin.

God calls this body temple. I call this a temple for the gods. Beautiful, only because the windows are stained glass and my lips are broken cross mounted on the face brick wall. Unmoving.

In the moment before death, I am unmoving whether I stay or go.